When You Like, Live Forever, What's There to Live For? 'About Three Things I Was Absolutely Certain. First, Edwart Was Most Likely My Soul Mate, Maybe. Second, There Was a Vampire Part of Him - Which I Assumed Was Wildly Out of His Control - That Wanted Me Dead. and Third, I Unconditionally, Irrevocably, Impenetrably, Heterogeneously, Gynecologically, and Disreputably Wished He Had Kissed Me'. and Thus Belle Goose Falls in Love With the Mysterious and Sparkly Edwart Mullen in This Hilarious Send-Up of "Twilight". Pale and Klutzy, Belle Arrives in Switchblade, Oregon Looking for Adventure, or at Least an Undead Classmate. She Soon Discovers Edwart, a Super-Hot Computer Nerd With Zero Interest in Girls. After Witnessing a Number of Strange Events - Edwart Leaves His Hash Browns Untouched at Lunch! - He Saves Her From a Flying Snowball and Belle Has a Dramatic Revelation Edwart is a Vampire. but How Can She Convince Edwart to Bite Her and Transform Her Into His Eternal Bride, Especially